In the Beginning . . . Waiting For THE Day

Good morning, "Everyone"! How's it going, today? Things are going along pretty calmly, here in Hyrum (out-in-the-boonies). A neighbor loaned us one of their horses to eat the grass in our pasture down, so everything feels complete on the old homestead. I've got to tell you, THAT is THE way to go when it comes to keeping horses around (we learned the hard $$$ way)--let someone else own them and you just get to enjoy them.

Anyway, I thought I'd put a couple more pictures up. The first one is of me when I made my first visit to Grandma June's old home in Las Vegas. Uncle Larry took the picture and developed it in their little old bathroom. I think he did a pretty good job of turning a little snapshot into a "portrait." And that was before photoshop. Wow.




The second picture is of me and Chris, though you can't see him just yet. That was before ultra-sounds, so no sneak previews in those days. Just the mom doing her best to conceal her disappearing waistline.




What follows are some letter excerpts and journal excerpts starting in June, 1968, with three months to go until Chris' birth.

June 3, 1968 -- The baby’s doing fine-if his punching is any indication. Just a few days ago, I felt some sort of appendage protruding separately for the first time. Not to the point you could see it but I got to feel the pressure in just one concentrated point against the inside.

June 9, 1968 -- The baby is kicking up a storm-as usual. I wonder if all babies are this active or if this one is exceptional.

June 11, 1968 -- (excerpt from a letter) “Active” is one word for the baby-a little understated, though. I laid last night for the longest time, unable to sleep as usual, and watched him/her for a good half hour. His/her movements are extremely distinct now and almost constant. There’s constantly, during a period of real activity, little quivering motions (very noticeable) and many large diversified rolling movements. At times I can feel something like a hand or foot scrape across the separation between us. Last night I felt this and began exploring with my finger tips. Sure enough, I found a little bulge, hard as could be (I don’t know if it was a foot or hand, though). As I pushed on it a little there was a big stirring movement and it disappeared. (I think we just had our first mother/child interaction.)

So you can see, I’m far from alone. Our baby is becoming more and more real to me. I pray for it’s safe and complete delivery and the blessing which you pronounced upon my head before leaving us reassures me greatly that all will go well and we will soon have our first child with us in this life.

MOTHERHOOD–WAITING FOR BABY #1 TO BE BORN
Sept 5, 1968
Thursday
5:50 p.m.
I know it’s a little late in the year to begin, but better late-etc.

I decided I should say a few words seeing as how I am nearly on the verge of beginning a whole new phase of my existence-motherhood.

Lynn and I have been waiting with a sorry show of patience for the forth coming of our first child. Spotting and extensive false labor have kept our hopes at fever pitch despite the fact that the due date is still a little less than two weeks away.

Waiting - that seems to be the only thing I can do consistently, because it takes no energy or effort to wait. I want so to go and have this baby, to know finally the answers to all the variables that are existing -including the procedure, the pain, how I will react, my body is primed and ready to react - if only the time would come.

BABY #1 DUE TODAY–BUT NOT HERE
Sept 16, 1968
Monday
Well, the day has come and gone and no baby has appeared. Unless it comes tomorrow there will be no hope for my great plan of having Lynn’s Mom here to see it blessed and attend testimony meeting the 29th of this month. Oh, I want that so much that I can instantly break into tears over the thought of it not happening. I know that what ever is best will come to pass, though.

WAITING FOR BABY #1 – MY NERVES ARE SHOT, MY PATIENCE IS SPENT
Sept 17, 1968
Tuesday
5:30 p.m. Waiting. My hopes are low. Very low.

Just thought I’d take time to let you know that I have my times, even now, when I don’t feel all full of goodness and light.

Like right now, for instance. Today is the day my baby is due and as of yet nothing to the nth power of the word has happened. I know this is extremely foolish - that more babies than not are over due. Who do I think I am - the Queen of England? - wanting it delivered precisely on the moment expected?

I don’t know. All I know is my nerves are shot - my hope and patience is spent - I have never before, in my mortal life felt so frustrated and desperate. Why do I feel so strongly this way inside? I don’t know myself. I really don’t.

All I know is I can not bring myself to do anything - except cry. I have to fight to keep from doing that - in frightful quantities.

I am being colossally ignorant and at the same time being very ashamed for being so stupid and silly.

I feel sleepy but I’ve been having enough trouble sleeping lately without taking a fitful nap now.

I know I shall have to return to that Dr’s Friday just as pregnant as ever - just as heavy, just as uncomfortable and inpatient and desperate to begin.

I just want to have it over with. It is something that frightens me and I just want to be through it. Let me say it this way - there is a dark, unknown valley ahead which I must pass through as I journey forward. Let me go ahead and enter it as soon as possible and pass through it. I have trusted in my Father to protect me from it’s dangers - it is only it’s strangeness that “frightens” me.

Sept 19, 1968
Thursday
Nothing as if this morning but by bed time things had began to happen. Cramps and contractions. I’ve had contractions before but never as regularly painful.

I wonder seriously if this night will be it. I hope so. Please forgive me but this shall be another short entry - my anticipation drowns out most other thoughts.

If this is it then it is an answer to a prayer for all day today I have prayed earnestly for the soon arrival of this child.

Sept 20, 1968
I went to the doctor on this day, early in the morning and he told me that I have 48 hrs at the most. After that good news I went home to await my time to come.

Am I afraid? No - not exactly. I am excited. I am filled with an anticipation that is unlike any before. Soon - soon - what?

--end of 1968 entries--

Well, that's probably sufficient for now. Next entry: The big day! And some pictures of my first precious baby . . . my first crown jewel. I know, I know. MUSH! But I mean it as much today as every time one of you arrived in my life.

With ((cyber)) hugs and much love,

Mom