Chris -- birth to 4 months

Back in 1966, I had started keeping a tiny little “5 year diary” with only 4-5 lines for each day’s entry. Here are the tiny little entries that covered from Chris’s expected due date to his two week “anniversary” . . .

Sept. 17, 1968 (Tuesday) EXPECTED DELIVERY DATE. 5:30 p.m.-nothing and my spirit is very low. Lynn gave me a blessing tonight so that I might sleep. So, so tired.

Sept. 18, 1968 (Wednesday) Signs of toxemia showing up here and there. Don’t know what it is. Please come, baby.

Sept. 19, 1968 (Thursday) Morning finds nothing changed. Went to show at Stake House tonight. Painful cramps 2 a.m. blood, then more cramps all night. I think this may be it.

Sept. 20, 1968 (Friday) Dr.’s appointment. Went early. He says I have 48 hours. Went to bed at midnight having contractions every 12 to 6 minutes. Awoke at 3 a.m. - 2 minutes apart.

Sept. 21, 1968 (Saturday) Jeffery Christopher born at 8:49 a.m. 8 lbs 14 oz. So beautiful. What can I say at this time. My heart is far too full-even if these five lines could be 500.

Sept. 22, 1968 (Sunday) Nursed Chris for the first time this morning. Three more times. He really catches on. I believe that by the end of today he had my voice associated with the breast.

Sept. 23, 1968 (Monday) I get to go home tomorrow. So excited. Dear Lord, help me be a success.

Sept. 24, 1968 (Tuesday) Home with our baby. Such a beautiful sight to see Lynn holding his little one. Mom Bernhard here by 10 p.m. Long night-Chris awake.

Sept. 25, 1968 (Wednesday) Poor Mom. She’s gotten only two hours sleep since she arrived. Chris is really juggling feeding times. No regularity. Boy am I beat.

Sept. 26, 1968 (Thursday) Tonight Lynn gave Chris a blessing in order that he might become more regular in his habits of eating and sleeping. Thank God for the priesthood.

Sept. 27, 1968 (Friday) All day Chris has been on a perfect four hour schedule. Took a drive with Lynn. So good to be able to be alone with him for a while. Little Chris is so beautiful.

Sept. 28, 1968 (Saturday) One week and everything seems to be doing so well. Chris weighs 9 ½ pounds, my stitches are doing real well, my stomach is shrinking-Chris is settling into a schedule.

Sept. 29, 1968 (Sunday) Fast and Testimony Meeting. Lynn’s Mom went with us. Such a beautiful meeting. Felt so good to look skinny again. Well, not exactly skinny-but a lot closer.

(Here and now comment: Do I so sound like a 20 year old having a baby--having to include a note about being "skinny" again? Geesh.)

Here's Chris on his blessing day (8 days old):


Sept. 30, 1968 (Monday) To Institute class. Mom went home last night, all teary. Institute really good this morning. Poor Lynn. I hope he can survive on so little sleep-me too.

Oct. 1, 1968 (Tuesday) Tried so hard all morning to decide whether to quit breast feeding or not. Decided to keep on. Probably shouldn’t. No appetite to eat. Lynn so sweet to me. So good.

Oct. 2, 1968 (Wednesday) Chris’ navel came off. Earth shaking event. Lynda Gardner over last couple of days. Went home to day. Chris is so darling. So wonderful to have him here.

Oct. 3, 1968 (Thursday) Lynn only had one class today. So good to have him home. Chris really fussy. Went over to see Mom and Gene. My stitches 100% better. Love my family.

Oct. 4, 1968 (Friday) He slept really well last night. We got 8 hours of sleep! All day he cries though. . .unless someone’s holding him. He’s so precious. So glad it’s Friday.

Oct. 5, 1968 (Saturday) Eight hours last night, too!! Donna and Mom and Eileen came up to see Chris. We got him a pacifier-makes for a little more quiet around here. House is such a mess.

The following picture so captures how much fun we had together. Chris is about 3-4 months old.


Here's another view. You may note that in both of these we are in the middle of a bed. That's because we (the 3 of us counting Dad) lived in a very, very tiny married student housing unit. And our bed (the parents) was the main feature in the front room (which was most literally the front room, since the only other rooms were a tiny bedroom and bathroom in the back of the unit.) So, our bed served as the couch, the play pen, and the hang-out-all-day spot, while Dad was in school or at work (which was usually about 18 hours a day).


I just got a phone call, and I don't know how to save a draft. I've got a few more first year pictures to post.

Love ya all,
Mom

I'M BACK!! (Sorry for the lapse.)

Wow! Sorry for the months of silence. Being gone so long reflects a couple of realities for me. First, how fast time is flying by for me at this age and stage of life. It's so funny. A person thinks they'll have so much time to do everything when they get older, so they put things off until then, but what they don't know is that it very literally feels like days only last a few hours. Get up, turn around twice, it's bedtime. Click, click, click.

The other reality is that I thought (as I left the last post leading into Chris's birth), I'll just go downstairs and find a bunch of baby pictures of him and put them up in a day or two. Instead, I (truthfully) pulled every box out and searched and could find nothing of his. Then, after several weeks of that had slipped by, and I was at my wit's end, as the saying goes, I was looking through yet one more box, and lo and behold, . . . nope, I didn't find pictures, but I did find an large manilla envelope from Diana. In it were pictures NOT of Chris, and a note from her saying, "Mom, We found these in Chris's picture box and thought you might want them back." And THEN!!! THEN I remembered I had given Chris and Diana ALL of Chris's pictures (a whole box full) when they had moved out-of-state the last time.

So, I got hold of them and they had to start looking--bless their hearts--having just gone through a move and having so much of their stuff packed away in a storage unit. But, Diana went to the storage unit and found some pictures!! Yay, Diana!!

Then it took me another month to get back to figuring out how to post things here--not hard, but I had forgotten my password, and then I had to figure out how to transfer the pictures from my email program to another format or something like that. I don't know the lingo and I'm terrible at anything on computer except the most basic word-processing. And even there, MS-WORD has me down for the count, 1/2 the time.

Is your mother getting old? Yep!! But, the truth is, I've always been a "butter-fly brain," drifty dreamer type, and not much on bee-line organizational skills.

So, here we go again . . .

Mom (me)

In the Beginning . . . Waiting For THE Day

Good morning, "Everyone"! How's it going, today? Things are going along pretty calmly, here in Hyrum (out-in-the-boonies). A neighbor loaned us one of their horses to eat the grass in our pasture down, so everything feels complete on the old homestead. I've got to tell you, THAT is THE way to go when it comes to keeping horses around (we learned the hard $$$ way)--let someone else own them and you just get to enjoy them.

Anyway, I thought I'd put a couple more pictures up. The first one is of me when I made my first visit to Grandma June's old home in Las Vegas. Uncle Larry took the picture and developed it in their little old bathroom. I think he did a pretty good job of turning a little snapshot into a "portrait." And that was before photoshop. Wow.




The second picture is of me and Chris, though you can't see him just yet. That was before ultra-sounds, so no sneak previews in those days. Just the mom doing her best to conceal her disappearing waistline.




What follows are some letter excerpts and journal excerpts starting in June, 1968, with three months to go until Chris' birth.

June 3, 1968 -- The baby’s doing fine-if his punching is any indication. Just a few days ago, I felt some sort of appendage protruding separately for the first time. Not to the point you could see it but I got to feel the pressure in just one concentrated point against the inside.

June 9, 1968 -- The baby is kicking up a storm-as usual. I wonder if all babies are this active or if this one is exceptional.

June 11, 1968 -- (excerpt from a letter) “Active” is one word for the baby-a little understated, though. I laid last night for the longest time, unable to sleep as usual, and watched him/her for a good half hour. His/her movements are extremely distinct now and almost constant. There’s constantly, during a period of real activity, little quivering motions (very noticeable) and many large diversified rolling movements. At times I can feel something like a hand or foot scrape across the separation between us. Last night I felt this and began exploring with my finger tips. Sure enough, I found a little bulge, hard as could be (I don’t know if it was a foot or hand, though). As I pushed on it a little there was a big stirring movement and it disappeared. (I think we just had our first mother/child interaction.)

So you can see, I’m far from alone. Our baby is becoming more and more real to me. I pray for it’s safe and complete delivery and the blessing which you pronounced upon my head before leaving us reassures me greatly that all will go well and we will soon have our first child with us in this life.

MOTHERHOOD–WAITING FOR BABY #1 TO BE BORN
Sept 5, 1968
Thursday
5:50 p.m.
I know it’s a little late in the year to begin, but better late-etc.

I decided I should say a few words seeing as how I am nearly on the verge of beginning a whole new phase of my existence-motherhood.

Lynn and I have been waiting with a sorry show of patience for the forth coming of our first child. Spotting and extensive false labor have kept our hopes at fever pitch despite the fact that the due date is still a little less than two weeks away.

Waiting - that seems to be the only thing I can do consistently, because it takes no energy or effort to wait. I want so to go and have this baby, to know finally the answers to all the variables that are existing -including the procedure, the pain, how I will react, my body is primed and ready to react - if only the time would come.

BABY #1 DUE TODAY–BUT NOT HERE
Sept 16, 1968
Monday
Well, the day has come and gone and no baby has appeared. Unless it comes tomorrow there will be no hope for my great plan of having Lynn’s Mom here to see it blessed and attend testimony meeting the 29th of this month. Oh, I want that so much that I can instantly break into tears over the thought of it not happening. I know that what ever is best will come to pass, though.

WAITING FOR BABY #1 – MY NERVES ARE SHOT, MY PATIENCE IS SPENT
Sept 17, 1968
Tuesday
5:30 p.m. Waiting. My hopes are low. Very low.

Just thought I’d take time to let you know that I have my times, even now, when I don’t feel all full of goodness and light.

Like right now, for instance. Today is the day my baby is due and as of yet nothing to the nth power of the word has happened. I know this is extremely foolish - that more babies than not are over due. Who do I think I am - the Queen of England? - wanting it delivered precisely on the moment expected?

I don’t know. All I know is my nerves are shot - my hope and patience is spent - I have never before, in my mortal life felt so frustrated and desperate. Why do I feel so strongly this way inside? I don’t know myself. I really don’t.

All I know is I can not bring myself to do anything - except cry. I have to fight to keep from doing that - in frightful quantities.

I am being colossally ignorant and at the same time being very ashamed for being so stupid and silly.

I feel sleepy but I’ve been having enough trouble sleeping lately without taking a fitful nap now.

I know I shall have to return to that Dr’s Friday just as pregnant as ever - just as heavy, just as uncomfortable and inpatient and desperate to begin.

I just want to have it over with. It is something that frightens me and I just want to be through it. Let me say it this way - there is a dark, unknown valley ahead which I must pass through as I journey forward. Let me go ahead and enter it as soon as possible and pass through it. I have trusted in my Father to protect me from it’s dangers - it is only it’s strangeness that “frightens” me.

Sept 19, 1968
Thursday
Nothing as if this morning but by bed time things had began to happen. Cramps and contractions. I’ve had contractions before but never as regularly painful.

I wonder seriously if this night will be it. I hope so. Please forgive me but this shall be another short entry - my anticipation drowns out most other thoughts.

If this is it then it is an answer to a prayer for all day today I have prayed earnestly for the soon arrival of this child.

Sept 20, 1968
I went to the doctor on this day, early in the morning and he told me that I have 48 hrs at the most. After that good news I went home to await my time to come.

Am I afraid? No - not exactly. I am excited. I am filled with an anticipation that is unlike any before. Soon - soon - what?

--end of 1968 entries--

Well, that's probably sufficient for now. Next entry: The big day! And some pictures of my first precious baby . . . my first crown jewel. I know, I know. MUSH! But I mean it as much today as every time one of you arrived in my life.

With ((cyber)) hugs and much love,

Mom

Happy Birthday, Angelyn, with ((hugs)) . . .

Happy Birthday, Angelyn!



I think this picture explains just why I felt impressed to name you, Angel-yn. You were the most precious baby! Well, one of the top twelve in the world!

Here's an excerpt from a letter I wrote to a friend back in Guam. The letter was dated June 20, 1979.: We got the big event over with 8 days late on June 1 at 1:00 a.m. Boy-I went through so much false labor leading up to it-every evening for 4 days I had hard constant contractions. Finally when I got to the hospital to stay (I’d been in 3 times before), I was only there 1 ½ hours. When I finally got to the end they didn’t have time to drape me, or slop the disinfectant on me, or do an episeotomy-or ANYTHING except catch!

It all went so smooth until the after-birth wasn’t coming as fast as the Dr wanted, I guess; he put a little traction on it (I’ve read NEVER to do that)-when it finally slid out I began to hemorrhage and it took them a little work to get it to stop. I guess I didn’t lose too much blood because I didn’t need any replaced. They did have to start an IV with oxytocin in it to stop the gushing. The nurse was a little anxious and probed 5 times for a vein before she found it. Uck.

ANYWAY----we all survived.

Angelyn came through with flying colors. I’m trying to nurse her and floundering just a little. I guess 8 others is a little of a load and saps my strength. Lynn is gone over night frequently or doing 70's work in the evening-to be honest I feel a little stranded. Angelyn has her days and nights mixed up and the only way I can keep her still and “sort of asleep” is to let her sleep with us and nurse anytime she wants.



These are your cute little foot prints just above my thumb prints. Your feet were so small!!



This is your "Okay, Mom! Where's the grub?" pose.

Here's another excerpt from another letter written in June, 1979 to another friend:

I was recently assigned a new responsibility to fill in my slow hours (cleverly disguised as a sparkling squeaky new baby daughter). I can’t let any one know that I’m ecstatic over her so I complain a lot over how she keeps me up half the night and has decided that since she is not attached at the navel any longer that a constant mouth to breast connection will suffice. We named her Angelyn Louise. She arrived on June 1st at 1:00 a.m. and she completely blew our pattern of 2-2-2-2. Now it read 2-2-2-3 (that’s top secret code for 2 boys-2 girls-2 boys-3 girls.



October 12, 1979 -- line from a letter: Angelyn is doing great and thriving away on Mommies milk, I’m going to start her on solid food in the next couple of weeks.

November 26, 1979 -- Journal Entry: I’m sitting here on our bed with only Angelyn still up. She is busily getting on her hands and knees and rocking back and forth. She is such a little delight to her mommy, daddy and whole family. It has been such a beautiful experience to have her in our home. I wonder how many babies, someone like me must have before they get “old hat”. Every one from first to last is a dear and special spirit. I only wish I were better at conveying my affection-I must try harder on the hugs, praises and 1 to 1 contact.

Angelyn is making all sorts of deliberate babbling. Now I’m laughing back.

December 10, 1979 -- letter excerpt: Angelyn sits up all alone now and gets on her hands and knees and rocks back and forth for hours. One of these days she’s going to put one hand in front of the other and be off and crawling.




--end of 1979 entries--

Once again, Happy Birthday to you, Ang, . . . with a ton of love.

Mom

P.S. I dug a bit deeper and found a few more pictures to add in! :-)

What a Motley Crew!

Wow! I can't believe how fast the days fly by!! I finally figured out what was wrong with my scanner. It was unplugged at one of the several connections between power, scanner, and computer. And then it took me X-teen hours of agonizing over how to photoshop not only spots and dots on the photo out, but whether I should "spiff" everyone up a bit--rosy cheeks for Spence (who had been pitching a holy-living-fit up to that split second the camera clicked),and filled in teeth for Ang who was right in the throes of getting a half-dozen grown up teeth and suffering from one of our genetic shortfalls--very "individual" dental configurations.

Finally, I decided that things would have to stay as they are for then--cause after all--it was then, then.

I'd love to have anyone comment on that day, if you have any memories of it--yea or nay. I just remember that we went to the studio and all tumbled out of the van onto the sidewalk. It seems like it was dark--in the evening?

Julyn looks about 5 months old--not able to sit up totally on her own--so that would have made it around Christmas, 1985.




By the way, I looked up "motley" in the dictionary. It means, 1)"varigated colors; 2) composed of diverse often incongruous elements. I thought that was pretty applicable to our "Hey-You-Guys" Bunch!

More to come.

Mom

P.S. Thanks to everyone who has signed on to follow this blog. I am so willing to have it pick up speed in the future. ((hugs)) to everyone.

Thanks!

Spencer and Tara (and Sydney, of course) . . .

Thanks so much for the last hour or so that you spent helping me get familiar with all the bells and whistles that go into setting up the background and fonts for my blog. Lots of cyber ((hugs)) all around!

Mom

Just Getting Started . . .

Just getting started and stumbling around, trusting that I'll get better at this as time goes along.

The deal is, I stumbled (I do a good bit of that) onto the link to John's blog on LiveJournal where he posted this thought: "i don't recall ever going to the park with anyone from my family. like, ever," and I knew I had to get started at this dream I've had for so long of posting my children's childhood pictures and sharing my memories of them way back then. I hope that each of them will also feel free to share their memories and comments as we go along.

It was at least 20 years ago that the title I chose for this blog, Twelve Jewels in My Crown, first came to my mind as I reflected on how blessed I have been to receive twelve beautiful, healthy babies into my life. Ever since then I've envisioned creating a book of pictures and written memories for each of my children and all of them as a crowd. I've known for a long while, now, that using the "new-age" tools of the web would be one way to put it up and out there where it could be shared as it happened, but I've been hestitating--so used to the old-fashioned hard-copy, between-two-covers kind of publishing process.

So, anyway, here goes my effort to just leap off the edge into this new form of publishing and learn as I go. Welcome to one of the most precious stories I will ever be privileged to share. While it is true that our family's life has been one laced through with great sorrow, none of that sorrow has originated with any of these babes of mine. Though the years between the day each of them was born and today have held many challenges to our connection to each other, I still remember each of them as precious, one-of-a-kind individuals that delighted my heart and blessed me with their coming into my life. It is my hope and prayer and intent that maybe this blog will help to overcome those challenges and reestablish the connections between all of us.

In my next entry, I will demonstrate the edge of my learning curve for this new techology, by posting a picture of the last time all twelve "kids" posed for the camera at the same time. When you see it, you will know that I have figured out how to scan a picture, transfer it to my computer, give it a name and upload it (is that the right term) to this website, I mean blog, I mean, . . . hmm. I'm hoping you all know what I mean.

Hmm. Just for fun, I'm going to go find a picture I've already got scanned in (my friend helped me when she came to visit a few months ago as a practice run--which I immediately forgot, thanks to my NATRD [New Age Techology Retention Disorder.]) . . .



















Me! At 4 months, . . . yes I was once REALLY cute!

I thought this was a pretty logical place to start posting pictures of REALLY CUTE babies! What'd ya think?

Til next time . . . Mom.